Get me out of here now

I wish someone would share what I feel right now, I wish someone would just tell me, I know how you feel, I feel that way too sometimes. I feel so alone in this. I am feeling things that no one can understand from my point of view, no one can see it the way I do, unless you're the one standing right in my shoes. This goes beyond me telling myself that everything will eventually work out.

I am afraid my decision that might seem beneficial for the future me, but will affect the present me which inevitably affects the future me. It might be detrimental I admit, but I have this inclination to do crazy things in my life. I can't deal with a life that is contented with monotony.

Never would the me in the past make such a decision that would affect me like that. I decided to play the odds of fate. And besides, haven't you heard? Never make someone your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Parachute

Present day relationships in itself is an art to master. Gone are the days where it's love at first sight, and you know you're meant to be for life and the next step is marriage. In present days, a lot of factors come into play in determining the span of a relationship. Sure you can say love surpasses all and if its true love, all these are just bullshit. But with societal changes, people tend to hanker after different things with each stage of their life. I mean, people are also becoming increasingly open about relationships. Commitment becomes a thing to be toyed with. 

Present day relationships need a lot of work and attention to maintain it. It may seem tiring to outsiders, but when you're in it, it doesn't become so much of a chore. It's more like, I'm doing it because I want to, not because I have to. That's only of course if two people are in love. You need to learn how to maintain that balance in your life. Nothing teaches you more about balance than being in relationships. You tip the scale a little more towards something, you lose the other. Unless you have a superhuman partner who's doing the exact same thing, or is especially magnanimous about this. 

I am hardly worried about anything else in my life. Work worries are fleeting and superficial. Problems closer to the heart are my Achilles heel. To me it's my inner support system. It's the thing that keeps me going when the world decides to go against me, to make the tough get going. And this is what gets to me most. To me, this is the first step to success. Once you have a stable family behind you, your core support system, there is nothing you can't achieve.

Transparency

"A woman can handle almost anything if you tell her the truth about it, but if you lie to her, you will undermine her faith in herself, and ultimately her trust in you. Tell her the truth. Let her work it out. You can damage love and love will repair; but once you damage trust... you’ve got a rough road to walk. A lie needs support, but the truth stands alone."

Hold it together until you can hold it in no more.

  

Take me home

Guilty as charged for leaving this space dusty.

Too many things, too little time.

Meanwhile,

You can find me here every now and then!

http://www.female50gp.com/2010/blog/author/angela/

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I'll be back!

xx

  

Honey, take me home

Have you ever felt like sometimes you try too hard to be strong? We try as hard to block some things out of our mind, but we can't run away from it forever. It comes knocking back on our doors, sometimes harder than the first. The more you pretend its non-existence, the harder you fall when you realise you can't anymore. 

Why can't we just slip into depression, instead of putting up a strong front everyday? Does this little act of pretense help to gradually convince us to believe that we are okay? We will be, eventually, I'm sure of it. But I am tired. Sick and tired of trying so hard to be strong when all I want to do is to fall apart. Every fiber of me is worn out, drained. Why am I running away from what I'm feeling inside? 

I am tired and I really don't want to be strong anymore.

“I’ve realised that I am the problem. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I spend the day with, because I cannot escape myself.”

  

Running through me

I really need some hugs right about now.

xx

Be Not Afraid

In light of recent events, with all the frustration that seem to envelope my life, a church hymn started playing in my heart during one of my particular difficult moment. It came from nowhere, with lyrics that tugged at my heartstrings. They were lyrics that mean so much to just hear them right now. It felt timely, comforting, and gave me a little more strength and encouragement to go on.

I will come to you in the silence

I will lift you from all your fear

You will hear My voice

I claim you as My choice

Be still, and know I am near

I am hope for all who are hopeless

I am eyes for all who long to see

In the shadows of the night,

I will be your light

Come and rest in Me

Chorus:

Do not be afraid, I am with you

I have called you each by name

Come and follow Me

I will bring you home

I love you and you are mine

I am strength for all the despairing

Healing for the ones who dwell in shame

All the blind will see, the lame will all run free

And all will know My name

Chorus:

Do not be afraid, I am with you

I have called you each by name

Come and follow Me

I will bring you home

I love you and you are mine

I am the Word that leads all to freedom

I am the peace the world cannot give

I will call your name, embracing all your pain

Stand up, now, walk, and live

Chorus:

Do not be afraid, I am with you

I have called you each by name

Come and follow Me

I will bring you home

I love you and you are mine

I didn't want what I've built up over the past 6 months to come crumbling down. For 6 months, I've pushed myself to be stronger than I've ever been in my entire span of existence. For 6 months, I told myself no, it's not okay to be weak, the only way you got to go on is to be strong. Sure there were many times during that period that I drowned in my emotional state but that didn't mean that I wasn't strong to go on. 6 months later, I gave in to my inner demons. I feel like falling apart. Though I've got to be strong, life goes on, it is easier said than done. But because of the people around me, and the faith that these people instill on me, beyond being strong for myself, I've got to be strong for them all.



  

Close to you

“It was not one of those strong, impulsive feelings that can hit two people like an electric shock when they first meet, but something quieter and gentler, like two tiny lights traveling in tandem through a vast darkness and drawing imperceptibly closer to each other as they go.”

- The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

 

I'm in love with love.

I like to hear stories of sweet girlfriends and boyfriends, their romantic gestures, or elaborate surprise plans. You know it's these sort of things that gives me hope that the world isn't so ugly afterall. Love is still here to make everything better. Its the thing you come home to at the end of the day, fatigue as you are, simply just seeing your loved ones just takes it all away the pain. Its the thing you turn to when you most need support, the spur you need to keep going on, the motivation that takes you through everyday. This is what keeps me coming back.

xoxo

Runaway.

I am never adequate.