Ultimately in life, you have to realise that no matter how close your best friend is, no matter how tight your family is, no matter how your soulmate says he'll always be here for you... at the end of the day, you're always alone. No one can help decide your career path, no one can decide your dreams and goals. You've got to step up and carve out something for yourself, yourself. This is the kind of loneliness I'm afraid of. Especially when you're stumbling in the dark, and you really wish someone would point the way and guide you towards the light. You wish someone could hold you and say, "it's okay, I know what you're going through. I'm going through this with you." But in reality, it never really happens. Everyone is just going forth, walking their own path, doing their own thing. And you're left at a standstill. It's the dark that really kills and consumes you... taking you through day to day without any true meaning.
I have never felt so desperate for a meaning in life, so desolate. I hate where I am now... going through each day without a better meaning in life. Without knowing why am I doing, or rather not doing all this shit for. I should be doing something more meaningful. I should jumpstart my career. Slowly build up my dream. But here I am, reproaching myself on why I allow myself to be sucked into this endless blackhole. I am so thankful for the call earlier today... the kind of excitement that pulsed through my veins reignited something in me. Something that went through me 4 years ago. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
xx
