Cruel to the eye.

"To dream that you are lying, suggests that you are trying to deceive yourself into believing in something that goes against your natural instincts or long held values. Ask yourself what you are hiding from yourself or from others."

The sub-conscious mind is so powerful. How is it so.

 

I will be no less than who I'm meant to be.

Rise and shine sunshines.

It's another day.

Sometimes I think I want so much in life. I want too much. I want to go on a picnic, take crazy-ass amount of polaroids, I want to watch a broadway musical in NY/London, I want to drive a yacht, I want to go on a romantic walk in the beach on horses, I want to ride those 4WD, I want to go to Africa and visit the animals. This is just a fraction of the crazy things I want to do in my life. We're only young once, we do crazy things when we're young. Now I need to find someone as crazy as me.

xx

  

Liar liar, pants on fire.

My parents have trust issues. Not with each other. With me. I am a 20-year-old adult. Yes, I slip up, I forget things, I'm human. I am old enough to know that when you give me your word, you don't go back on it. That is the point of giving me your word isn't it? I mean if words are so fucking cheap, then don't bother even speaking. If you don't think I can handle the car, then don't even get me to learn it. (Though I did it for my own sake as well) I am not here as your fucking back-up plan. The one you go to when Daddy eventually won't be able to drive around.

I am sick of hearing my friends being able to actually take the car out for spins. Whereas, I, am still restraint to that 1 year rule. Yeah sure if that 1 year rule even exists. It's just a cover up to drag time for me not to take the car out. Please, I know. The more you don't trust me with the car, the more I can't trust myself with the car, and what makes you think the 1 year thing really works? The more practice you have, the better you'll get right? I mean you can't expect me to be tail you around all the time, just so I get to drive, right? Cut to the chase. You might as well tell me, now, straight in the face that I'll never get to drive around. That might actually stop me from dreaming of ever being able to drive, and would actually push me to save up, work harder, to get what I want.

Adults never go by their word. Thanks for being such a fine example for me. Indeed. Remind me NEVER to treat my kids like that, please.


 

Like fire and rain, you can drive me insane.

“It does not hit you until later. The fact that you were essentially dead does not register until you begin to come alove. Frostbite does not hurt until it starts to thaw. First it is numb. Then a shock of pain rips through the body. And then, every winter after, it aches.”

The highlight of my week thus far includes meeting up with a very old friend. It was nice, really, to catch up after so long. It's heartwarming especially because I'm really selective about the people I am close to, hence, I am acquaintances with many, bonded to only a handful. Sad, but true story there. J said my thinking has become a lot more matured, and also quipped that I am such a 'emo hero' these days. Also in our conversation included a lot of interesting issues raised which left me thinking.

Is the increase of age directly proportional to the increase of unhappiness? I think I am increasingly unhappy with each year I age. Maybe it's a baseless observation, but I wish I knew better. It is not school, though it does make it worst, its just my state of being that is not at an equilibrium. I really need to start finding things that I can find joy in doing, find what I'm missing in life right now. I think it's crazy. I'm only 20 and I'm so jaded.



 

It is not like the second goodbye is any easier than the first.

The more I try to push away feelings, the harder it hits when it comes back. Eventually we've all got to face up to things that we try to be strong about. Being stronger doesn't mean running away from issues that you have to deal with and pretending it's okay. How else is it going to go away?