Already gone.

I am lying on my bed, with some time to think. Tonight, I think about the good times we've shared. It hurts, no doubt. I don't want to be misunderstood as a very strong person just because I don't cry about it everyday and play emotional songs just to make me cry. The only reason(s) why I could cope with this much better because of the biggest distraction in my life right now - Work. I never knew work could be so theraupeutic. Every night, I come home, drained of any energy and emotions to live through the hurt. The other reason would probably be my friends, who listened and stayed through my darkest hours. Which I am very thankful for, always.

I am burned by love. Burned by the fact that something so strong could come to such an end. Maybe we were lying to ourselves from the start. Maybe it just broke off somewhere without us truly realising it. Maybe we might have met at a wrong time. I hold dear the fact that what we shared was true. Even till the very end. Even as it was fading.

You're special. I don't think anyone else would ever love me the way you did. No one would ever make me as comfortable as being with you. I just don't think that I could walk together with you into forever. Of course, there were a lot of reasons why we couldnt, but I think most importantly, we started to die much before this came about. We did. We just didn't realise it, nor faced up to it proper. We gave it countless excuses. My FYP, your projects, exhaustion, not enough funds. We could have made it work, despite the limitations. We just didn't.

It takes two to clap, truly. No matter how hard I tried, effort alone on one party, never makes it through.

It's always strange to know, for a fact, that humans always learn how to treasure only after the person is gone. Why? I don't see the logic in doing that. Shouldn't you always treasure and appreciate before it's too late? What use is it, when your lover is already halfway out the door. Nothing will change. No amount of romantic gestures, or roses is going to change the fact that he/she is already gone.

Time and time again, I asked myself, am I being stupid for following my heart? It's the most common answer any decent person would give me. Go do what you want. Follow your heart. This is where following my heart gets me. I hardly think about things. I am irrational. Maybe I do think, but emotions cloud over them and took over me immediately. From now on I refuse to let myself be blinded by a thing called love. A lot of lucid and rational thinking will be done prior to anything. Love can be such a beautiful yet a painful little thing.

Life might get a little more lonely from now. A little less meaning from now. A little less lovely. But I'm gonna be strong. With all my might, and with all it takes, I will get through.