My almost lover

When I'm blue, I find myself wishing that I can grab the car keys and go for a spin. I like to be in the driver's seat. I like to drive. I like to have the power to chose where I want to go like how I would like to have control over my fate. I can chose to be at some other place than here. But in reality none of it really is quite possible at this moment. But we can all dream...

xx

Bullseye baby

"Good luck. This time you'll really need it."

"Huh, why?"

"I don't know, I just have a feeling."

 

Lights black; heads bang

C'mon let's get it up and running

"The fact that you got a little happier today doesn’t change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you’re the happiest and the saddest you’ve ever been in your whole life.”

“How do you know?”

“Think about it. Have you ever been happier than right now, lying here in the grass?”

“I guess not. No.”

“And have you ever been sadder?”

“No.”

“It isn’t like that for everyone, you now. Some people, like your sister, just get happier and happier every day. And some people, like Beyla Asch, just get sadder and sadder. And some people, like you, get both.”

“What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you’ve ever been?”

“Of course I am.”

“Why?”

“Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.

- The history of Love



Because when you're intoxicated, you tend to spill. You feel more liberal. Spill all the little deep secret thoughts that swirl around your head, or speak of how you feel. Moment of truth. When you're intoxicated, your personal filter becomes more flexible. You don't hold back words that might be good/bad for you. And it's true. Alcohol is bad for you.

Until we bleed.

Revolting

I am so sick, so very sick of being nice. Too nice. And accommodating. And tolerant. And everything I find myself unable to do in the past, but am doing it now. And no, the worst thing is that it's not for a good cause. You know what. I should really start being nasty. And this is when people know it is not funny to climb all over me. Oh you really won't like me when I'm nasty. Trust me.

Lypophrenia

"I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you will never be happy.

I don’t mean to hurt you by saying that. I say it because I think it is only fair that I be honest with you before we begin. I hope you appreciate this because no one will be fair or honest with you from here on out. So again, I’m tellling you right now: You will never be happy. I’ve put it in writing for you, and you’re very welcome.

I want you to go outside on the sunniest, sweatiest day of the year and quietly say it aloud. “I will never be happy.” Even in the heat, you should be able to see your own cold, smoky breath acknowledge the statement. The only way to avoid seeing your breath is to say it proudly like a wise man. “I will never be happy!” Try it sometime.

When I think of you, I think of a cartoon cloud hovering over your head, a private torrential downpour. I see you soaking wet, your entire being drooping, and you’re always sick because you can’t stay dry. Depressed by the bad weather, you cry yourself a little river, but the tears evaporate and form into another cloud that rains on you even more. You can’t win.

It will be sad. You will never get the girl. You will not save the world. You will never find true love. You will not find a trustworthy friend. You will never be satisfied. You will never have enough. The grass could always be greener. The grass will always need mowing. Your days will be long and contain no fun. Your nights will be lonely and not much else. You will always be waiting for better days that will never arrive. And you will most definitely never have peace of mind.

There will be days when you will collapse to your knees and screamingly plead your case to whatever might be listening. But The Thing Called God can’t help you, and It won’t. I think of heaven as being a radiant crystalline metropolis, and in the tallest sparkling skyscraper, The Mayor stays busy making deals behind a door with no knob. He’s forever inaccessible, not taking calls at this time. And then I envision all the perfect blond angels, devoid of genitalia and feet, congregating and pointing and laughing at all of us down here, saying “Those poor little things!” in between giggles. They will get a kick out of you.

We are more likely to answer or not answer your prayers than they. We will control your destiny and watch over you. Not gods or angels. Not the dead. Us. Men and women. Adults with tangled webs and hidden agendas. Former children.

We will allow you your needs but deny you your wants. We will see to it that any requirements for long-term happiness are kept just out of reach. If by some mistake you experience a sensation that resembles happiness, then by all means, embrace it for all it is worth. Make the most of it because we will not let it last.

Again, I’m sorry. It’s true what they say. Life’s not fair, especially for you. The only condition I can offer is that the things you will be making amid all the loneliness and suffering will by far outlast your despair and our cruelty. Our torture is temporary, your work is forever. With this in mind, we all win in the long run.

So on behalf of everyone that you will ever meet, I apologize in advance for every heartache we will cause. You’re in for a rough time, kid. Consider yourself warned."

  

Nothing on you

“That’s what I’m afraid of… not being enough. 

Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough.”

- One Tree Hill

  

All I need.

Take me away.

xx

When you go to sleep with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.

I dreamt that I was in a zoo. 

To dream that you are at a zoo, symbolizes loss of freedom. Your abilities and talents are going unnoticed. You or an aspect of your life feels caged in. 

The zoo may also represent chaos and confusion as implied by the common phrase "this place is a zoo!" You may need to tidy up some situation in your life.

- Dream Dictionary

I think the latter part seem more relevant to me now. The first time I woke up this morning, I felt a sort of emptiness within me that pulse through my veins like a sick disease. I went back to sleep soon after. The second time I woke up, I knew I couldn't just stand by and not give this another shot. I feel like I just have to try. 

    

Hell yeah

Come clean.

I am not happy at all. Actually, I haven’t been happy for a very long time. I mean sure I do feel really happy when I hang out with my friends, my girlfriends, I’m not faking it, but those only get me on a temporary high, like alcohol. And when I get home and retire to my bed, all I feel is this gaping hole, this emptiness within me. What I want to feel is happiness from the bottom of my heart. Happiness that would make me glow. Happiness that would shut off every negativity in my life and show me that this is worth living for. I’m not feeling it and its honestly making me scared, beyond my wildest dreams. It feels like I can never find that sort of happiness again.

  

I love the way you lie

"What if there’s no such thing as true love but we’re just too afraid to admit it? So we keep on dressing up, we keep on pretending to be something that we’re not. We keep on turning our lives upside down, losing ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think we are. What if that something we’re looking for, just doesn’t exist?”

God knows how much I need a hug right now...

  

   

Put your hands up!

Hello Monday morning. 

I'm gonna chase the blues away with some Food Porn! You've been warned.
If you're hungry/craving for sushi, I suggest you view this page when you've filled your stomach of some sorts.

And this is why/how I am getting fat... Whooops?

@ Itacho Sushi

xx

Brace yourselves, it's gonna get messy.

Blair: No matter what I feel or don't, we're not safe.

Chuck: I did the most dangerous thing I could, when I said I love you. It was worth it. If I get through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide. 

Blair: What?

Chuck: We're never going to be safe. So you brave enough, or aren't you. 

  

There's no gettin' over you

This is Johnny Bananas! My favourite orientation group of all time, simply because during the camp, we gave out all our 100% in cheering, performing, playing games. Each and every one of us. Of course the 4 famous high on drugs cheerleaders, Aaron, Iris, Steph and me, that made it 134544523x more fun! Hee! Don't you know that designers rock socks and everything off you?

Admers love.

I had my lovely two orientiation groups + SAC babes on my 17th birthday. It was a birthday that I'd never forget! Epic drama/fight/act between Teow and Aaron which was a sly cover-up to get me thrown into the pool. Damn, they're good! So glad to have them all come unite on my birthday! :)

SU events that I participated in year 1. 

My first fashion show with the ADMers.

OSG in year 1! This is how all our "photo shoots" come about. The poor guys are pretty trained as good photographers now I swear. Den can even take a picture without even looking at the screen or us. -.-

Shrek you me, Halloween @ Design!

TP Rawks group! Well yeah, year 1 I was involved in a lot of shit and in year 2 I decided its not that worth it after all. This is why everyone says Design people, are exclusive. We cage ourselves up, willingly or not.

SAC babes & our cute little picnic.

Roxy perfume launch.

TP DnD! Best dressed nominee for the night, but we had to dance to win? Some indian girl in her ethnic costume won. Whutttt. Okay, a lot of fun, but embarrassing moments that night! 

And lastly, Zoe + me + MY BOAT! I wish! ;)

And this, is July 2010.

Everyone says I still look the same, but I beg to differ! I can look different in a span of 2 weeks. It's like I'm evolving and changing everyday! Isn't it scary? Looking through the past 3 years of my life brought back a hell lot of memories and I really miss poly life, strangely. In year 2, nothing was on my mind more than how to quickly get out and graduate. I love year 1 most! Maybe that was when I was more involved? But what I feel most thankful for, in my poly life are the friendships I've gotten out of poly. Teow mentioned, imagine if we are still in contact till our mid 20s and when we get married, we'd have a wedding table specially for OSG, wouldn't it be so cool! :)

There must be something more.

x Doggie from Japan. Cute much!