Happiness is more than a state of mind, it's derivative.

Happiness is a word that eludes most of us (Have you seen those newspaper articles recently? It really makes the vast majority of us sound depressed). While we know the drill and the quotes: find happiness out of the simplest things in life, find happiness in your blessings, there is an undeniable fact that happiness goes beyond these. It's especially so when we live in such a society. If I live in a farm, then surely, I think I might be able to be happy over the simplest of things. But sadly, no, we live in a proper structured society, whose norms get imposed on its citizens. This post is not to tell you which route is the way to happiness. It's more about unravelling what's beneath the unhappiness we feel. Like an illness, diagnosing and knowing what causes it, might help us to treat it better.

With that said, what defines happiness these days? 

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

This equation is pretty accurate, at least to me. When the reality of someone's life is better than they had expected, they're happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the expectations, they're unhappy. It's as simple as that.

So right now, my happiness level is relatively low.

Generation Y - the Yuppies, seek to find career fulfilment over career security. While parents may enforce a greater rein over our education in the younger years, and guide our paths strictly, after graduation and fulfilling their wishes, we are (almost) free to choose our own career paths. For society's sake, most would go along with the thinking of the older generation, our parents. Get a degree, get a good paying job. That's all they ever want for us. 

Surely some would find fulfilment, ambitions in the secure paths which in this case, career stability = fulfilment. Or for others, career stability > career fulfilment. Which means that they are happy with the salary that comes in monthly, but are overworked, under-appreciated, unhappy.

I, however, belong to the other group. The group that seeks fulfilment in doing what makes us happy > career stability. That's right, that means, chasing the rainbows even as it's fleeting, and (im)possibly very far away.

In this harsh society that we call home, not having a stable career is a worrying issue. And I'm honestly scared. What if I can't afford my own house? What if I can't pay the bills. What if I can't give my kids the best? We expect a lot from ourselves to just meet the basic needs to get by in society. Without that career stability and the big fat salary to get by every month without a worry, our expectations has to be that high. When reality scores a drastic difference from expectations, that leaves our happiness score at a huge negative.

Can we bring down these expectations to meet reality, to even out our happiness level?

Sure. We can if we are wildly realistic. It's going to be hard though. Social media seek to elevate people through a facade, inflating a version of their own existence. No one hangs out dirty laundry, posts incessantly about the bad & unfortunate situations. This leaves a whole lot of other people who are not of "that standard", to feel a whole lot more shitty about themselves. Ain't that right.

Hence, we are left feeling inadequate, terribly unhappy and disappointed with our lives and situations. We feel like we can do a lot better (expectations), but a reality check reveals the worst, causing our happiness levels to drop. 

So yes, I am unhappy. But, I now know why I am unhappy, and I know that too much of my expectations lies in the hands of people "creating" it for us. It's only fair if I create realistic expectations for myself. 

"Ignore everyone else. Other people's grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today's image crafting world, other people's grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you'll never have any reason to envy others."

It boils down to me, as an individual. How I work towards my goals, how I get through that daily grind. It all comes down to the passion, as cliche as it may sound. 

“At some point,” he said, “it comes down to who can handle the boredom of training every day and doing the same lifts over and over and over again.”

That piece of advice surprised me because it’s a different way of thinking about work ethic. As a result, I think many people get depressed when they lose focus or motivation because they think that successful people have some unstoppable passion and willpower that they seem to be missing. But that’s exactly the opposite of what this coach was saying.

Instead, he was saying that really successful people feel the same boredom and the same lack of motivation that everyone else feels. They don’t have some magic pill that makes them feel ready and inspired every day. But the difference is that the people who stick with their goals don’t let their emotions determine their actions. Top performers still find a way to show up, to work through the boredom, and to embrace the daily practice that is required to achieve their goals.

According to him, it’s this ability to do the work when it’s not easy that separates the top performers from everyone else. That’s the difference between professionals and amateurs."

It is the ability to do the work when it's not easy.

I could not have said it better myself. It really is so. 

I've chanced upon two articles that made me reflect upon my state of happiness. It's so timely, and I'm incredibly thankful for these two articles to help me shed some light on how I can try to change the unhappiness within.

I'm going to try.