Pandemonium

Sometimes I wish I have a glimpse of the big guy's plan for us. Everything happens for a reason. Every single thing that happen, will lead up to something bigger. This has happened only one time too many, and only when the 'big thing' happens, I will come to realise that, sometimes we really have no control of our fates. Sure we can make some choices, make that big decision, but it boils down to, whatever that is meant to be, will be. We can't change that, can we. 

Events lead to people, people lead to new people, lead to new beginnings. Whenever you look back, don't you find it scary how it's part of this big elaborate plan? I wish I could know a little, enough to stop making wrong moves, making the worst decisions and ultimately do something right in my life. 

I'm jaded. Are you? Don't we all get this feeling every now and then? I don't want to go through the motions of everything all over again just to find myself getting out of it. Or working so hard for something that in the end, I find that its not worth it, or I don't want it anymore. That kills, and ultimately, it leaves me increasingly skeptical and cynical with each such experience. Sometimes I envy those who haven't seen that side yet. They just seem so happy. Oblivious, naive, but, so happy. 

We're all chasing for that bit of happiness. We're all fighting and working hard to be happy. Happiness mean different things to different people. Success, or realising your goals might make some happy. A good job with a stable income might make some happy. Finding the love of your life makes others happy. We're all fighting so hard just to find happiness in our hearts. But really, will we ever be happy? 

I know I'm thinking way too much these days. Being caught in a limbo gives me so much space to think, explore the depths of my emotions and thoughts, and no solid ground to stand on. So many things can bring me down, but nothing, nothing is gonna cushion that fall.

xx