The H word

Happiness. It's a word that eludes us all. What really defines happiness? The feeling that enraptures us, bringing us to seventh heaven. An euphoric emotion that has us grinning like a five-year-old kid who's just got ice-cream. As we age, the concept of happiness seem to sift through my hands like sand on my fingers. Less things seem to make us happy, more seem to burden our troubled souls. One year into official adulthood and some days I feel tired taking on the world on my own. Days when I'm extremely thankful & blessed to have someone's shoulders to lie on where I get weary.

We often find ourselves faking that smile just to get through the days. It's easy to do so, terribly easy I might add. Sometimes I feel like I'm selling my smiles doing events, shoots. Sometimes I enjoy doing them, stimulating me with insight into a world I've never been in, but sometimes they get dreary and I put up this facade, a mask of smiles to get me through. Smiles are easy to fake on a photo moment. All it takes is a fraction of a second. Smiles are easy to fake during events. But what happens if you have to fake a period of happiness with a stranger on a video. Capturing every mili-second of reactions, of smiles and of, happiness.

That is no easy feat, and I cringe with fear knowing that it's going to be a challenge. It's a challenge I set myself up for, something I'm pushing myself to go for. Then there are the times when I'm not sure if I can pull through, and afraid that I'll disappoint the crew. I'm more than often reserved towards new people, and do not very much like to indulge in small talk. (I find it fake and though I don't doubt it's social prerequisite... but if I could, I would rather not do with it. I'd rather engage in something interesting/meaningful, than you asking me about the weather. Then again, it's just me...)

But back to the topic... how do you fake intimacy and a relationship with a stranger you hardly know? It's always so easy with your lover. No inhibitions. Be as silly and as cute as you'd want. Every smile that radiates from you truly comes from the heart. After looking at a series of photographs that are captured of couples (I cannot reiterate how much I want a set of my own... *hintobviouslyunheard*), I see very clearly the kind of emotions a couple emanates, and it's very... heartwarming. All I can pray is that I can recreate that...

So, this is me, days before putting myself up for the imPossible. Yay go me!