Heartless

I believe in giving my all into building a relationship with a man. A strong relationship that can last. A strong relationship not built on the fact that he is willing to sacrifice me. That choice is given to you for a reason. You chose otherwise. Painful as it may be for you, difficult as it was for you to come to this decision, ultimately you made that choice. And as we go on, I have to live with that choice. That decision you made to sacrifice me. Assuming that we managed through this... what's to assure me that I am not just a part of your life that is dispensable, a part you're willing to cut off for your own selfish gains. If I were to chose to carry on, I need to see for myself that you don't use your words to tell me that you love me. I cannot believe in a selfish man to love in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health. For he, is only going to love me through the good times.

I believe that a good relationship doesn't constitute taking advantage of each other. Nor does it mean stepping on each other so you can get over to the other side. For their own good. I believe in loving a man who after seeing me break my heart, bawl my eyes out, be in agony and a constant mess, to find a way, any way at all to ease the pain. 

I don't believe that I can live with someone who puts me under so much pain, watch me as I go through so much pain, and insist on putting me through so much pain despite knowing all that. Pain is sometimes good, pain is sometimes necessary. But there's a fine line between doing things for my own good and doing things at my expense.

A relationship requires two to clap, as cliche as it may be. I believe in compromising. But when you insist on being selfish, you give me doubts on what you truly want this to be about. You believe and insist that going through this test (not this current situation) would make us stronger. Citing this as one of the reason why you chose to go ahead with the decision that I have extreme opinions for. I don't dispute that going through it will make us stronger. But choosing one of my extremities and making me kill myself going through it is the kind of test you want to force upon us. I don't believe in you exerting your views on me and in the light of all that you've shown me, the gaps in your morals leave me questioning if this is the man I want to take me through life. And on top of it all, it saddens me to know you use such shabby lies to comfort yourself that your selfish decision is truly the best for us. Because you never once thought and considered what's best for me, let alone us.