Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.

A recent talk with someone got me thinking about my future. I've come to realise some things about myself which I may not be conscious of. Life is such. It's cruel and if you're not up there you're nowhere. I want to be somewhere, I want to go places. I know my situation only too well. While pursuing tertiary education, I know what I wanted to do, but I didn't go all out to get what I want. I played too much, though not saying that no effort at all was put in all those 3 years, but I gave up too easily, I didn't challenge the impossible, didn't stretch my abilities to its fullest. All that is going to change, I truly hope. A promise I make to myself: To be only the best and nothing less.


I guess simply trying your best isn't good enough these days.


 

Room 308

A night of unimaginable fun. It's been so long since we have had our Ophix cam-whoring sessions that can amount up to 200+ pictures on my camera! I am totally loving my instax and building up my collection. Take more pictures with me everyone? Otherwise, my friends have proven that chivalry is not dead,  they are good drinking game players, people are more liberal when they are high, and Deborah is a really funny drunkard! It's my fault actually, she kind of took down half my shots simply because I couldn't down it all. I hate Teow and the way he plays 5-10. It's ridiculous because he is fast and so damn good that I kept losing. Damn, I need to learn a thing or two! ;) Also, they are really the most awesome bunch of friends I can ever ask for. They'd know which mode to go into whenever the situation called for it. We tried to have a serious talk when we were all partially high and spinning from the drinks, and it actually worked out! Now I know how to not get drunk so easily! 

3 years and counting.
xoxo

Come clean.

My Top 10 Pet Peeves 

(Not in any particular order)

1. People who walk very slowly in front of me when I’m rushing. Especially when at the same time, they’re blocking the whole damn pathway!
2. People who drive slowly. Oh this, really hits the spot!
3. People who are mean. Will it kill to be a little nicer?
4. People who treat me as if I am invisible girl. Hello. I am here. See me? Good.
5. Dirty things/people/places.
6. Rushing out of the house. Please don’t ever rush me out of the house, I’ll be in a really bad mood. You’ve been warned.
7. When people don’t reply/pick up my calls + don’t even bother calling back when I need them urgently. Using 20 secs of your life, to text me back, won’t kill you. I assure you that.
8. Last minute activities. I like to have schedules and adhere to them. I like it when you tell me about activities beforehand so I can plan ahead. Not that I’m discouraging spontaneity, I just generally prefer to be certain about my plans.
9. Looking ugly in pictures. (Ok, this I give you a free pass to scoff at me)
10. People who talk during movies and distract me.

XOXO,

Me.

(Okay, I'm just bored!)

More than words

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know








Favourite song of all time! ♥

Paint it black

Will you ever really understand what I feel? Will you ever know what the stories woven into the delicate tangles of scars that sadly decorate the skin of my pale arms will ever really entail? When the truth is told, will you ever truly believe it? Will you be able to distinguish the real happiness from the fake? And when it comes down to it, will I ever be able to know all of that for you? I guess you can read my words and relate. You will interlace your experiences with mine in vague attempt to know what it feels like. You will tell me stories of your own pain and tell me you’ve felt the same. I will claim that no one has ever felt this hurt. Not like I have. I mean, it’s hard to comprehend someone, somewhere in the world is experiencing the same things and reacting in the exact same way.

Then something will enter my mind, the words I’ve read from someone else, words that I could have sworn were my own. A paragraph that I am so tempted to put my name next to because it is impossible that someone else could ever write out the things I feel in such a way if they have not been inside me. Then something else will lace my concentration. Music to which another set of words fit. A song that, once again, seems to depict exactly what I feel. Something that I could not have written. Something someone else felt at a completely different time about entirely different people, yet is exactly the same.

So maybe, just maybe you will understand… you will know what I feel and what I have felt. You may not be able to put it into words or even express it… but you will feel something that tells you exactly what it is like. And maybe there are others, people I shall never even meet, who understand exactly what it is to hurt. And maybe there will be people who go through so much worse times than I will ever even imagine and they will survive. And because of the slight pain I feel now, I will be able to tie a string of recognition to their pain and nurse them back to a happy existance. What a person feels can never be measured. The surface ripples can be felt through words or music, or even a slight expression that flits across someone’s face.

Maybe there is someone who will understand, someone who has been through nothing but feels the same. For even a person who has everything may not be happy. Even if you do not know it, you are not alone. There are people who feel perfect, people who feel worse… and maybe, somewhere, people who feel exactly the same. 

-Ruby Toosday

Bittersweet

"How do you know when how much is too much?

Too much too soon. Too much information. 

Too much fun. Too much love. 

Too much to ask... And when is it all just too much to bear?"

We're all screwed up, in our own little screwed up ways. You can deceive with that facade but you can't fight the truth.

HELLO I'M BACK FROM HONGKONG!


You cannot put me in a city and expect me not to shop. I shopped from the moment we landed from HK right to the very end. 4 entire days of walking, eating, drinking bubble tea, and shopping. I kind of gave myself a bad scare from the way I bought things. It's also this mentality that it's cheaper so why not get more! I walk out of every single shop feeling like shit I shouldn't buy so much, but I head into another shop and do the same thing all over again. Yes, if you're wondering, you can shoot me now.


After coming back from an extremely hectic, money-involving, stressful, yet back with a great haul kind of holiday, I'm feeling like I need a sit-back, relax, let the world go by kind of getaway. No more cities, I need the beach, the sun, the sand and the waters. Or I could do with Disneyland! ;) I'm gonna save up for Disneyland! Or the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando!


Coming back also means facing up to issues that I took a break from during the past 4 days. This is going to be a very big test. To see how strong, optimistic, and hopeful I can be. Its funny how the people closest to me in my life, will know what's on my mind when I'm looking far away with that sad gaze in my eyes. I don't even realise it myself. And it really is all thanks to them that I'm still standing strong. The best kind of friends ever, and I know for sure, they've got my back.


Truth be told, I am really scared.

So yeah, we're going down.

"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can’t help but talk about. Some things we just don’t want to hear, and some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they’re what you do. Some things you say because there’s no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.”

I need to be special. I need to feel like I'm special. I don't need to feel like I'm just another passing stranger in your life, or someone whom you'll just grow into. No. I don't need that and I don't wish for that. I need to know if you really want this, and not just grabbing a qualified bitch off the streets to fill up whatever gaps you have in your life. 

Bad romance.

"It’s hard when we live in a world of opposites where no means yes and yes sometimes means maybe and suddenly all communication is lost because we don’t want to say what we really want to say because we’re afraid, too afraid of the hurt, the pain, the damage it may cause, and we leave when most of the time we want so badly to stay, stay, stay, convince me I should stay, don’t just let me walk away.. but we always do because the words somehow seem to get stuck in our throats and we choke on the idea that all we want is about to disappear and we choke on the tears we feel like we need to hold back in times like these, where we choose to do the opposite of what we want to in order to what’s best for us, what’s best for them, what’s best for both of us in the end.. which it often leaves us with what-if’s and i-wish-i-said’s and if-only’s and other regrets to live with and carry in the pockets of our heavy hearts. and there’s always a should-i-have, could-i-have, would-i-have in the back of our minds that we could never go back and do and it makes me wish that we knew better now than later to say what we meant, than to pretend we felt differently just because we were too scared to wear these hearts on our sleeves, even know i know living that way is a dangerous life to lead—sometimes I think it would make us a lot happier than anyone would believe."

You're worth fighting for.

"You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important, happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away."