Will you ever really understand what I feel? Will you ever know what the stories woven into the delicate tangles of scars that sadly decorate the skin of my pale arms will ever really entail? When the truth is told, will you ever truly believe it? Will you be able to distinguish the real happiness from the fake? And when it comes down to it, will I ever be able to know all of that for you? I guess you can read my words and relate. You will interlace your experiences with mine in vague attempt to know what it feels like. You will tell me stories of your own pain and tell me you’ve felt the same. I will claim that no one has ever felt this hurt. Not like I have. I mean, it’s hard to comprehend someone, somewhere in the world is experiencing the same things and reacting in the exact same way.
Then something will enter my mind, the words I’ve read from someone else, words that I could have sworn were my own. A paragraph that I am so tempted to put my name next to because it is impossible that someone else could ever write out the things I feel in such a way if they have not been inside me. Then something else will lace my concentration. Music to which another set of words fit. A song that, once again, seems to depict exactly what I feel. Something that I could not have written. Something someone else felt at a completely different time about entirely different people, yet is exactly the same.
So maybe, just maybe you will understand… you will know what I feel and what I have felt. You may not be able to put it into words or even express it… but you will feel something that tells you exactly what it is like. And maybe there are others, people I shall never even meet, who understand exactly what it is to hurt. And maybe there will be people who go through so much worse times than I will ever even imagine and they will survive. And because of the slight pain I feel now, I will be able to tie a string of recognition to their pain and nurse them back to a happy existance. What a person feels can never be measured. The surface ripples can be felt through words or music, or even a slight expression that flits across someone’s face.
Maybe there is someone who will understand, someone who has been through nothing but feels the same. For even a person who has everything may not be happy. Even if you do not know it, you are not alone. There are people who feel perfect, people who feel worse… and maybe, somewhere, people who feel exactly the same.
-Ruby Toosday
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